It Took Some Time… I Guess its OK

A little over a year ago I decided to invest myself in to blogging. I bought a domain, I decided on topics, I dove into HTML, the whole nine yards. I feel I personally have have moderate success; no, I don’t have 90 million twitter followers, the most popular pics I post in Instagram are of my dogs being shit heads, and I have yet to sign a million dollar book deal. That being said I wanted to take some time to explain to all of you what this little site means to me and how it has helped me through the toughest time of my life.

In April of 2013 my boyfriend told me he was going to apply for jobs for when he concluded his masters program. I assumed that while these jobs would include some in the Minneapolis area there would also be some outlying jobs across the country. Never did I think that he would get job offers for every application he submitted all over the country from Austin TX to Toronto Ontario, San Francisco to Albany New York.  We had serious decisions to make, the most important being how would this relationship continue.

So many options!

What happened next was a thing of my nightmares, he chose to work for Google, in San Francisco…. ewww, midwesterners don’t move to the bay area, its a place for East Coast workaholics, eccentric artists and misplaced artists who couldn’t make it in LA. (I mean no offense, just keep reading). We made a decision sight unseen. We would move to California, and we would move in less than two months! We were at a cross roads, was it really time for me to give up “my life” and dive 100% into a life with a man who I loved but had barely left the fairytale stage with? 22 year old Molly remembered a post college move to Nashville that didn’t go so well, (I’d need therapist approval to write that one out!) but this time it was different, I was older, I had a career and experience… I had a ring!

Commitment! (…but to what)

So in June we loaded up a truck and three days later we followed it out to Sunnyvale CA. I was full of hope that my life with this man would begin and it would be incredible. For the most part it was, but then, two months in, I started to feel the strain of unemployment, no social life and a finace who was becoming more and more involved in his work. Yes, I am spoiled, I got everything I asked for. He bought me a puppy, soon to be followed by a 2nd, he sent me to Atlanta to spend time with friends, he gave me full control over planning out wedding. BUT, he couldn’t give me a meaningful job here and he couldn’t make me find friends. I was desperate, I was lonely I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper into a place I knew all to well.

For the past year I have battled severe bi-polar depression, the worst it has ever been for me. Off and on I would go from pure elation and wonderment at the beautiful California world around me to complete misery, unable to get out of bed, constant emotional breakdowns. I have made and lost friends both in California and back home in Minnesota. Sometimes it is obvious what happened, other times I can’t for the life of me figure out why someone would leave me when they know who I really am. I have been 100% me since we moved here, I make no apologies, I don’t pretend.  I have been slowly working on getting the right dosage of medications. I have wrapped myself in activities such as my Etsy store, Chloe and Isabel jewelry sales as well as building a brand for this blog.

I ask myself now, if I had known how difficult this move would be, would I do it again? While it seems natural to think I would say no, it is quite the opposite. This life change has created some of the best memories and strongest life lessons I have faced in my 30 years on this Earth. I think it has built a stronger relationship between my husband and myself and I even more so it has shown me what true friendship, loyalty and love really are. As I stand on the crest of another big move, this time possibly to Seattle, I am thankful for all the hard days as well as the good that moving to California has given me. I am thankful for the true people I have met here and I am thankful for the “others” who have forced me to deal with their shortcomings to get me to where I am right now.  As Apollo Creed once said “I feel good Stallion, I feel like I could eat nails… n-n-n-nails!”

So just remember, you are never alone, there is always a wide open world of possibility. Even the bad times can help you become stronger and better. As hard as it may be to see it at the time, in the end be true to you, live your dream and just try to smile at all the fuck-tards who get in your way knowing you are better than them!

 

~M

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *